Waiting for Molly: PROUDLY INTRODUCING OUR DAUGHTER

      

We've been together as a family for 3 months as of  September 2, 2008. 

 

Molly is speaking some simple sentences, such as "I want ______ (drink, go, eat, bath) " and "Help me, shoes."  She is clearly understanding a lot of words and concepts, even though she cannot yet say the words.  She continues to teach basic words to us in Chinese, using the same methods we use in teaching her English -- repetition coupled with sign language; for example, Sho ma, said as she pats the seat beside her, is apparently "sit here,"  and Sho gue is "sit there."   

 

She is extremely happy with her daycare with Lawton (whom we have now been able to get her to call "Nanny" instead of "Mommy" so that I don't meltdown!)  She loves her friend, Lawton and Dan's 2 1/2 year old Cohen ("Co Co"), and asks for her every day throughout the weekends.   Both are learning to play and share, and much of Molly's language development is as a result of Lawton's extraordinary efforts.  We are so lucky to have this family in our lives. 

   

 

For the last 2 weeks, Molly has also been able to stay in the kid care room at my gym with several children of varying ages while I workout.  At first she was shy and intimidated and clung to one of the attendants most of the time, but now she is getting braver about being able to move around the room and try out different toys and activities.  She still doesn't really seem to interact with the other children too much, but she no longer hangs by the door, watching for my return to come get her. 

 

She has learned to enjoy swimming pools, swimming as a guest of our neighbors, so this weekend we enrolled her in an Aqua-Tots swim class.  She will go with either Mommy or Daddy on Wednesday nights through December.   Yesterday, in her first sesson, she learned how to climb out on the side, and how to duck her head underneath (sort of).  It's a small class (she will be 1 of 3 or 4 kids in each session), with parents in the water with their children.  She was surprisingly brave and willing to try everything, and only had a meltdown when it was time to leave the pool.   

 

This morning I took her for a trial dance lesson at the Chinese Art Academy, but this did not go so well.  She was clearly unnerved by all of the other children in the class, even though they were all about her size.  Most were Asian, as was the teacher and most of the mothers, and I suspect that this may have been the source of some of her discomfort.  We stayed for the entire hour, and throughout most of it, she refused to join in or even leave my side, and spent much of the time climbing all over me, whining to be held.  She did do one routine across the room with the group, but kept looking back to see where I was and obviously didn't want to be out there on the floor.  At the end of the class, she dropped down on all fours and started crawling toward me and talking baby talk.  Then she whined and cried in the car all the way home.    And right now, she is clinging to me, refusing to leave my lap.    She clearly loves dance and music, but many people whose children were adopted from China report that their children are "afraid" of Chinese people, the theory being that it reminds them of the past, and they may even think they're going to be taken from their parents???   Or maybe it's simply that it's too hard for her to follow along without language skills.  So maybe we'll wait a while and try CAA again in a few weeks.  Or maybe we'll try a different dance class, not with the CAA, and see if she is happier.    Or maybe we'll try a tumbling or gymnastics class through Parks and Recreation instead.   

 

This weekend Daddy is gone to National Guard duty, which has unnerved her somewhat.  She's talked about Daddy throughout the weekend, but of course, I don't know what she's saying.  She cannot stay in a room alone.  Wherever I go in the house, she's got to be right there with me, more so than usual.   I look forward to seeing their reunion tonight when he gets home.  Over the past month, they've really turned the corner in their relationship.  She greets him with excitement each evening when he comes home from work, and she is willing to go on outings with just Daddy or stay home with Daddy while I go out, something she wouldn't do a few weeks ago.  And she clearly misses his presence this weekend. 

 

All in all, I think she's doing well.  We're making progress on most fronts -- language, attachment, separation anxiety -- and we're both working on patience.   Little pilfering fingers into everything can be extremely annoying.  And the clingy, babyish regression behaviors followed by a full-blown toddler tantrum can really tax one's patience.  Toilet independence is apparently not on the immediate horizon, as this seems to be the area in which she has chosen to assert her baby self. 

But this is a cheerful, happy, delightful little girl with a sunny personality and a positive outlook.  And she's so forgiving.  When I get annoyed with her, she just keeps coming back with a smile -- and makes me smile too. 

 

   

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

We've made a number of inquiries with different agencies, and been given very discouraging responses by most of them.  But in the course of making inquiries, we have actually found a sort of underground network of agencies and others who DO make these types of inquiries on a case-by-case basis.  We are very excited to learn that there might be the possibility that our application would be considered by CCAA for special dispensation for us to be accepted as her adoptive parents, despite Bill being over 55 and the fact that it has not been 12 months since we adopted Molly.    Through the assistance of Love Without Boundaries, who made inquiry directly to the SWI, we have learned her full name, actual date of birth, and that her paperwork had been forwarded to CCAA over two years ago.  Yet she still has not been placed on any of the multi-agency Waiting Child lists, nor matched.  We are told that is potentially good news, since she should be easy to "find" and obviously, she has been waiting a long time since her corrective heart surgery was completed.  We have been fortunate enough to identify an agency which takes a hopeful approach, rather than the "no can do" attitude that seems to characterize most agencies.  An initial letter of inquiry to CCAA on our behalf will go out tomorrow, August 25.