We've been together as a family for 3 months as of  September 2, 2008. 

 

Molly is speaking some simple sentences, such as "I want ______ (drink, go, eat, bath) " and "Help me, shoes."  She is clearly understanding a lot of words and concepts, even though she cannot yet say the words.  She continues to teach basic words to us in Chinese, using the same methods we use in teaching her English -- repetition coupled with sign language; for example, Sho ma, said as she pats the seat beside her, is apparently "sit here,"  and Sho gue is "sit there."   

 

She is extremely happy with her daycare with Lawton (whom we have now been able to get her to call "Nanny" instead of "Mommy" so that I don't meltdown!)  She loves her friend, Lawton and Dan's 2 1/2 year old Cohen ("Co Co"), and asks for her every day throughout the weekends.   Both are learning to play and share, and much of Molly's language development is as a result of Lawton's extraordinary efforts.  We are so lucky to have this family in our lives. 

   

 

For the last 2 weeks, Molly has also been able to stay in the kid care room at my gym with several children of varying ages while I workout.  At first she was shy and intimidated and clung to one of the attendants most of the time, but now she is getting braver about being able to move around the room and try out different toys and activities.  She still doesn't really seem to interact with the other children too much, but she no longer hangs by the door, watching for my return to come get her. 

 

She has learned to enjoy swimming pools, swimming as a guest of our neighbors, so this weekend we enrolled her in an Aqua-Tots swim class.  She will go with either Mommy or Daddy on Wednesday nights through December.   Yesterday, in her first sesson, she learned how to climb out on the side, and how to duck her head underneath (sort of).  It's a small class (she will be 1 of 3 or 4 kids in each session), with parents in the water with their children.  She was surprisingly brave and willing to try everything, and only had a meltdown when it was time to leave the pool.   

 

This morning I took her for a trial dance lesson at the Chinese Art Academy, but this did not go so well.  She was clearly unnerved by all of the other children in the class, even though they were all about her size.  Most were Asian, as was the teacher and most of the mothers, and I suspect that this may have been the source of some of her discomfort.  We stayed for the entire hour, and throughout most of it, she refused to join in or even leave my side, and spent much of the time climbing all over me, whining to be held.  She did do one routine across the room with the group, but kept looking back to see where I was and obviously didn't want to be out there on the floor.  At the end of the class, she dropped down on all fours and started crawling toward me and talking baby talk.  Then she whined and cried in the car all the way home.    And right now, she is clinging to me, refusing to leave my lap.    She clearly loves dance and music, but many people whose children were adopted from China report that their children are "afraid" of Chinese people, the theory being that it reminds them of the past, and they may even think they're going to be taken from their parents???   Or maybe it's simply that it's too hard for her to follow along without language skills.  So maybe we'll wait a while and try CAA again in a few weeks.  Or maybe we'll try a different dance class, not with the CAA, and see if she is happier.    Or maybe we'll try a tumbling or gymnastics class through Parks and Recreation instead.   

 

This weekend Daddy is gone to National Guard duty, which has unnerved her somewhat.  She's talked about Daddy throughout the weekend, but of course, I don't know what she's saying.  She cannot stay in a room alone.  Wherever I go in the house, she's got to be right there with me, more so than usual.   I look forward to seeing their reunion tonight when he gets home.  Over the past month, they've really turned the corner in their relationship.  She greets him with excitement each evening when he comes home from work, and she is willing to go on outings with just Daddy or stay home with Daddy while I go out, something she wouldn't do a few weeks ago.  And she clearly misses his presence this weekend. 

 

All in all, I think she's doing well.  We're making progress on most fronts -- language, attachment, separation anxiety -- and we're both working on patience.   Little pilfering fingers into everything can be extremely annoying.  And the clingy, babyish regression behaviors followed by a full-blown toddler tantrum can really tax one's patience.  Toilet independence is apparently not on the immediate horizon, as this seems to be the area in which she has chosen to assert her baby self. 

But this is a cheerful, happy, delightful little girl with a sunny personality and a positive outlook.  And she's so forgiving.  When I get annoyed with her, she just keeps coming back with a smile -- and makes me smile too. 

 

   

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

We've made a number of inquiries with different agencies, and been given very discouraging responses by most of them.  But in the course of making inquiries, we have actually found a sort of underground network of agencies and others who DO make these types of inquiries on a case-by-case basis.  We are very excited to learn that there might be the possibility that our application would be considered by CCAA for special dispensation for us to be accepted as her adoptive parents, despite Bill being over 55 and the fact that it has not been 12 months since we adopted Molly.    Through the assistance of Love Without Boundaries, who made inquiry directly to the SWI, we have learned her full name, actual date of birth, and that her paperwork had been forwarded to CCAA over two years ago.  Yet she still has not been placed on any of the multi-agency Waiting Child lists, nor matched.  We are told that is potentially good news, since she should be easy to "find" and obviously, she has been waiting a long time since her corrective heart surgery was completed.  We have been fortunate enough to identify an agency which takes a hopeful approach, rather than the "no can do" attitude that seems to characterize most agencies.  An initial letter of inquiry to CCAA on our behalf will go out tomorrow, August 25.   

We have discussed it seriously, and decided to take the leap, and try to go back to adopt Molly's best friend at Yangjiang SWI, Pian.  (Her pictures are included in the album dated June 19).  We have made inquiries to various sources, and received referrals for specific agencies.  Today we have contacted 12 agencies with experience in special advocacy for a particular child in the hope that we might be able to return for Pian.  Prayers are gratefully appreciated. 

 

Molly is learning English.  She currently has about 35 words that she uses regularly. 

Hello

Hi

Hey (said emphatically, as in "Hey! Pay attention!")

Bye-bye

See You Later

Have Fun

Mommy

Daddy

Co-Co (her best friend, Cohen)

Go

Drink

Eat

Sleep

Potty

Pee Pee

No (pronounced "Mo")

Nah (as in "Nah, we're not going to bed")

Airplane

Good

Girl

Happy

Sad

Cat

Dog

Shi-Shi (Shayne, the Sheltie)

Li-shi (Lucy, the Border Collie)

Help Me

Please

Yes or Ah!

Uh-Oh

Love

Car

Truck

Cheerios

Cheese

Sorry

Gentle (as in "Touch the cat  - gentle")

 

We can tell that she is losing her Chinese, which makes us sad.  We can tell she is forgetting, as she tends to only be able to sing a couple of lines of her songs, then starts to hum the tunes, because she cannot remember the words.  As her first language is a Yangjiang dialect of Cantonese, we cannot maintain it.  As she loses her first language, she seems to be searching more for ways to say things in English.  She is not yet putting things together into sentences, but rather is limited to single words and a lot of pointing and filling in the blanks with Chinese.  This leads to a lot of frustration for her.  And, often, she stands with a hand on a hip, tapping a foot, and wagging her finger while she lectures at length in Chinese.  I so wish we understood. 

 

 

 

 

 

Today we had Molly's followup pediatric appointment.  She has actually LOST a couple of ounces of weight and the doc put her down as "failure to thrive."   (Bull****!)

So tonight baby bird got spoon fed her fettucine and chicken!    She eats well, but she is very active, as are her parents.   But still, we were so sure we had put at least a couple of pounds on her, and very frustrated to find out that we had NOT.  (*#!!*#!!*)  So, for the next few weeks, we will be pushing whole milk products, butter, etc. 

 

She really is a little love.  Today was Daddy's day home from work with Molly.  They are still working out the details of Daddy-Molly "alone" time, but I see progress every day.    When I met them at the doctor's parking lot, my girl ran up to me with upraised arms to be picked up, and then took my face between her two hands and planted a firm kiss of greeting.   That was the first spontaneous kiss I have received without warning.   But , more importantly, as the 3 of us were walking across the parking lot later , she reached out so that she had an arm around each  of us.   

 

When we left for China, we forgot to put a hold on our mail.  So the post office stopped delivering when they realized our mailbox was full.  Today we had to go and bail out 6 weeks' worth of mail being held by the post office.  Molly's Certificate of Citizenship and first card from Nana were in the accumulated mail.  She was thrilled to get her own mail.  We went back over her picture album that included pictures of Nana and reminded her that Nana is the one to which she chatters in Chinese  on the cellphone.   We think she's making the connection, but it's hard to tell with our limited Chinese and her limited English.  So we also booked tickets to New England for Columbus Day weekend.   This girl needs to meet the Nana that she loves talking to.    

We have been here nearly 2 weeks.    In that time, Molly has met many friends who have been greatly anticipating her arrival.

She has had some great experiences, and has been willing to try EVERYTHING.  She has been on a float trip with Mama and Daddy and Mr. Fred down the Bitterroot River, has helped Mr. Mike feed horses, has driven a tractor with Mama, played with sparklers with Uncle Jim and Inge and Katrina on the 4th of July, hung hummingbird feeders and learned the word "bird," and flown once around the pattern with Daddy at Hamilton airport.  She likes to help whisk eggs for breakfast scrambles, and she is a major little helper with stocking water bottles into the fridge.   Tonight we are going to Missoula to a baseball game, and tomorrow we will visit with friends, in preparation for departing for home on Friday.

As of tomorrow, Molly will have been with us for one month.  Here is an overview of the past 2 weeks, since we returned from China.

 

Molly had a rough first week in Arizona.  She saw her pediatrician, Dr. Chiles, on Monday, 6/16, for her first general checkup, and although it was a relatively benign office visit, she was frightened and cried and cried.  Then on Tuesday, we took her to our dentist because of her extremely loose top front teeth and her unwillingness to even let us come near her with a toothbrush.  Dr. Pam brushed her teeth and took x-rays (another fun experience) and referred us to a pediatric orthodontist.  Thursday, we had to take her in for a chest x-ray and lab draws for necessary tests that Dr. Chiles had ordered, which were both very upsetting experiences for her as well.  Then on Monday, 6/23, we met with the orthodontist who did another set of xrays of her mouth, and determined it was necessary to extract her two top front teeth. (Yikes!  That was rough on all 3 of us, even though the procedure was done in less than 10 minutes.)  She seems to be much happier and in less discomfort with those teeth gone, but it was not a fun week for her. 

 

We left Arizona for Montana on Thursday, 6/26, and now we are all in Montana for a week and a half vacation.  Molly has met the horses at Cris and Mike Dolon’s ranch, has experienced her first rodeo (she was stunned by bullriding, but somewhat intrigued by barrel racing), and owns her first pair of cowgirl boots.  Cris and her daughter, Casey, made her a welcoming poster with a singing balloon, and Casey gave her a bunch of toys, so it feels like home to her.  She also got to go over and meet our neighbor, Mel Mooers, and stomp around on his decks. 

 

She also got to hang out at the Hamilton airport Monday night, 6/30, while Daddy did some touch-and-goes around the pattern.  It was really interesting watching her getting the concepts of airplane on the ground, airplane in the air, and Daddy in airplane waving to her as he taxied out, watching him take off and fly away and land and take off again. She would call out “Da’Dee” each time he went by, and get really excited when she spied the airplane coming into sight again.  Upon his final landing, however, she screamed in terror as we started out walking toward the flying machine.  No way she was going to get in that thing! 

 

She seems to see Montana as her second home, and, in time, we hope she will grow to love coming back here.  Today, 7/1, we are awaiting the arrival of Uncle Jim and Katrina and Inge from Bozeman.  We went down this morning and tromped around in the pastures, and Molly decided she liked hanging out in the truck better than being up to her armpits in scratchy weeds.  It’s amazing!  This little girl who was in China a month ago, was climbing in and out of the bed of a pickup this morning, calling to her border collie. 

 

When Molly is swinging in the swing on the front porch here at the cabin (one of her happiest times), she sings a little song in Chinese that includes "Pian Pian" (her best friend at Yangjiang SWI), other names, “Mama,” and goes on for several verses.  It's a beautiful little song that goes on and on for an hour – or for as long as we will swing her.  Last night we bought a recorder so we can record the song.  We really want to know what she is saying.  Once we get her singing recorded, I'll try to download it onto the blog. 

 

 

 

. 

 

We arrived home Friday evening, and are still tired after nearly 28 hours on airplanes or in airports.  Despite occasional meltdowns (by all), it was still a fairly easy return trip.  And things are going extremely well here at home.  I still can't sleep as nighttime at home is daytime in China, so instead I stayed up all night Saturday night and  downloaded the first batch of pictures in the photo album.  More to come. 

We have Molly -- and she is truly ours, complete with tantrums, silly games, giggles, and protests at naptime!

 

We met her on Monday around 2:30 p.m. at the Central Adoption Bureau, here in Guangzhou.  When we walked in, the room was empty, except for one little girl peeking around a pillar.  Our CHI guide, Simon, said "That little girl almost looks like her -- but she's too young.  I guess she just looks like her."  We all agreed that tiny little girl could not be our Molly because the updated pictures from just a few weeks ago showed a seemingly much older girl.  Well, as you may have guessed, she has recently had her hair cut again, and she looks like the August 2007 pictures and nothing like the May 2008 pictures.  She is a very small little girl. 

 

The nannies had prepared her well for our arrival.  She came to us with shy smiles, but readily accepted our taking her into our arms.  Mrs. Tan and Mrs. Wong from the orphanage had driven 3.5 hours to bring her, and they were very willing to remain with us while we all got acquainted.  She was smiling and snuggling up against us while we all sat and visited for about a half hour and, when it came time for Mrs. Tan and Mrs. Wong to leave, she readily waved goodbye to them.  By contrast, as we were leaving the CAB, another couple were meeting their daughter, who was screaming in terror, and kicking her new parents, and threw a toy into her mother's face.  We felt extremely fortunate that our experience was so positive. 

 

That night, in the hotel room here at the White Swan, she went through about 30 minutes of heart-rending sobbing & crying, calling "Ayi, Ayi" for the nannies.  And we just sat with her and let her grieve without attempting to distract her.  She slept through the night, but we didn't, because we kept wanting to make sure she was doing ok.  (Also, we're still on Western time and the middle of the night here is the middle of the day at home, so we tend to wake up at 3:00 or 4:00 a.m., anyway.) 

 

By Tuesday, she was happier, but would have periodic bouts of quiet withdrawal.  Simon took us for necessary appointments for the adoption, so it was mostly a busy day of going from one official's office to the next for short formal interviews and applications to obtain her Chinese visa.  On Wednesday, we also did a little shopping off the island to get her some additional clothing, and went to complete another official appointment.  It has poured  rain almost continuously since we arrived.  Thursday, we finally had a break in the weather and had a true sightseeing day, and we went to a beautiful park/bird sanctuary.  We saw trained parrots (one of whom flew into the audience to retrieve money from people who held them up;   he landed in Mama's hand right in front of Molly's face, so she was thrilled or terrified, not sure which.)  It is a natural bird habitat, consisting of acres of enclosed "cage" and a very lush, tropical setting with lots of flowers and plants and peacocks, swans, parrots, brightly-plumed roosters, all walking around free among us.  It was beautiful.  We took the "golf cart" up to the top of the mountain, and the sky lift back down.  Molly hated the sky lift, thowing herself to the floor and kicking and screaming.  But with each scary new experience, she gets braver and braver.

 

After much discussion and weighing the pros and cons, we DID decide to go to Yangjiang and take her to the orphanage to again say goodbye to her friends and nannies. 

Simon helped us make this decision, based upon what he has seen in other children of her age and temperament, and his experience with this particular orphanage, and how she seemed to be adjusting to her new parents.  We are very glad we made this trip. We had the opportunity to see all of the nannies who have cared for her in her lifetime, many of the children with whom she shares a room, and her 3 immediate cribmates.  We have many pictures of the children who know her and were very glad to see her again, and several priceless pictures of the "4 Girlfriends."  We also were able to take pictures of the many infants who are awaiting adoption.  I will write more about it at a later time, to describe it more fully.  For now, I will just say that it was a very moving and emotional experience for all 3 of us, and upon leaving, Molly was more ours than ever before.  And there are 3 little girls there who I particularly hope and pray will be adopted soon, and we will do all we can to find them and their parents.    

 

Today we toured the Six Banyan Trees Buddhist Temple and were blessed by a monk in a traditional ceremony.  However, our girl does not like being sprinkled on the head

with water, found the giant Buddha statues to be entirely intimidating, and so set up a LOUD wailing and screaming in the middle of the chanting and prayer ceremony.  The monk was really cool, moved that ceremony to a speedly conclusion, but not before she had totally disrupted the altar area.  Oh, well, I guess Buddhism is out. 

 

Right now she is taking an afternoon nap with her Daddy, while I fire off this quick update from the hotel business center.  Tonight the other 17 families with our travel group begin arriving from the various provinces where they have been this first week.  We are all supposed to go out tonight to the Cow and Bridge Thai Restaurant to meet and become acquainted.  The thunder has just begun so we're in for another stormy afternoon/evening . . . .

 

Linda Christian, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the DVD of "Ni Hao, Kai Lan."  It's a definite hit. 

 

Thank you to everyone who has wished us well and is supporting us during this time.  We'll try to post pictures later, but right now, I probably need to go wake up my husband and my daughter. 

 

 

What else is there to say?  We're not completely packed, coverage for work is not completely worked out . . . but we'll get there. 

CHI confirmed that our fees for in-country expenses were received via Fed Ex today, we have the name of our guide who will accompany us throughout our time in China, and the visa in my former name is not a problem.  So we're good to go a week from tomorrow.  .

Today we received our passports back from the courier who hand-carried them to the Chinese consulate in Los Angeles.  My visa was issued in my former name -- instead of the name listed on the application, all of our adoption paperwork, and as the passport was amended to reflect in 2005!  So, I am awaiting word on whether or not it is going to have to be Fed Ex'd back to LA for re-issuance of the visa in the correct name.  We leave in 11 days. 

We received notice that our Consulate Appointment is confirmed and we are able to book our airline reservations to depart 5/30, arriving late Saturday night, 5/31, and returning home on 6/13.  We'll be going roundtrip to Guangzhou (skipping Beijing, since Molly is in the Guangdong province), via Japan Air Line (JAL).  Tentative schedule is that we will meet her on Monday, June 2nd.  The following 10 days or so will be various necessary appointments, the adoption proceeding, swearing in ceremony, and -- in between -- some free days for exploring, shopping, perhaps visiting Yangjiang where Molly currently lives.   

 

 

 

Our agency notified us yesterday morning that our Travel Authorization from PRC has been received, so now all we have to do is wait for confirmation of our Consulate Appointment with the US Consulate in Guangzhou.  Then we can book our flights.  We still don't know if we'll go in through Beijing for sightseeing that our agency typically coordinates and out through Guangzhou, or just roundtrip in and out of Guangzhou, or if the agency has set up a sightseeing stop in Shanghai or Hong Kong to substitute for the Beijing sightseeing tour.  But May 29th departure is still looking good. 

No bedroom furniture delivered yet.  But Friday the carpet cleaners were here, so we're ready when it gets here. 

Today we went to IKEA;  we got 3 inexpensive, colorful hang-from-the-ceiling storage rounds, and some multi-colored neon kids' plates, bowls, cups and utensils.  We also took some artwork I had purchased for Molly's room in 2005 in for framing.  And the quiilt for her bed arrived.  She's really going to have a fun, colorful room. 

 

We also wrote the leave letter for BC's employer.  We decided he's going to take the full 12 weeks.  He can always elect to come back earlier, if it looks like she's ready for going to Lawton's, and is going to be OK with both of us going back to work.     

Because there are large fees and duties on international mail, the orphanages/SWIs are limited in their ability to accept packages and gifts from adoptive parents.  However, our agency is able to get a small "care package" from us to Molly.  It's contents are very specifically restricted to 1 small toy (the size of one's hand), a letter to Molly (which our agency will translate prior to sending), a photo album of pictures of us, the pets, and her new home (our agency will also translate captions on the photos), and a disposable camera.  We carefully selected about 2 dozen photos, wrote short simple captions on them, and put them in a little album, so that, hopefully, the nannies will show them to her and tell her about us, and it will help prepare her for the transition of leaving the only place she's ever known to start her new life with Mama and Baba.  We also sent a letter to Director Zheng of the Yangjiang SWI, expressing our appreciation for their care of Mei Yu and requesting that someone take some pictures of her and her friends and favorite nannies, as well as the inside of the SWI, and bring it to us when they bring her to us, so that she will have that record.  That entire package went in the mail last week.        

 

Last weekend we went to about 6 different furniture stores until we finally found the perfect bedroom suite for our little girl.  It's an antique white Cape Cod-style twin bed with book shelves and cubbies built in to both the headboard and footboard, with a matching dresser and nightstand.  It's very simple and pretty and of very good quality.  The salesman was so interested in our story and so helpful, it was actually a pleasurable retail experience for 2 people who ordinarily dislike shopping.  He also gave us some great decorating tips.  Then yesterday, Bill and I devoted all day Sunday to clearing out the middle bedroom, to make it ready for the delivery of Molly's furniture.  I also spent hours on the Internet, looking at little girl's bed linens, until I found a really cute set of comforter, sheets, and valance.  I ordered them and they should also be delivered later this week.  So, hopefully, by next weekend, we'll be able to set up her room and start decorating. 

 

Tonight we went to Changing Hands bookstore, because Bill wanted to get a book of fairy tales for his girl.  We ended up with several fairy tale and nursery rhyme classic collections with beautiful illustrations, as well as some preschoolers' learning cards.  

 

Uncle Jim called Sunday.  He and CJ are going over to the cabin next weekend to check things over and make sure it's ready for our arrival in mid June.  Nana is having cataract surgery in the next few weeks, so she and Uncle Tom and Aunt Gayle will likely not try to make the trip to Montana in July.  Instead we'll take Molly to Massachusetts when she's ready for another long flight.  We'll likely go for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. 

 

I've checked and rechecked all of our paperwork.  We've got the updated home study from the local court and the current I-171H from USCIS (THIRD time each of those had to be renewed), and tonight I'm sending off our visa applications to the Chinese consulate in LA.  I can't find anything missing or out of order with our documents, so I actually think we're ready to go.  Once the travel authorizations arrive from China, our travel agent already has all advance information and is ready to book our flights.  The latest word from our agency is that they are likely going to try to route all of our group of families through either Hong Kong or Shanghai in order to avoid the higher costs in Beijing, where accommodations are already getting booked due to all of the people coming in early to prepare for the Olympics. 

 

May 29th is still the tentative departure date.