Our Daughter

Yesterday was our first day here in San Diego, and it was a rainy day.  We took walks on the boardwalk in the misty rain, ate breakfast at a waterfront restaurant, and tossed a beach ball.  Today we do Sea World. 

This is one of Molly's referral photos which came                  

through on my Blackberry one year ago on the

morning of Friday, April 4, 2008.

I was sitting in Court, in a hearing,                    

sneaking peeks at it as I held it under the desk. 

I sent them to Bill who was in a seminar across town,

but he couldn't open them.  So at lunch  I drove over

to where he was and we sat in a little diner in Mesa,

staring at 3 photos of our beautiful little girl . . . .

 

 

This photo was taken last Saturday, April 4, 2009, while

we were visiting Nana, Uncle Tom, Aunt Gayle, Steve and

Mike in Massachusetts.  Molly has grown 3.5 inches in

height, gained 4 pounds, and gone up 2 shoe sizes since

she came home 10 months ago. 

Today was Molly's first day at her new preschool, and it clearly went extremely well.  She came home laughing, talking excitedly and telling us specific details of what she did during the day.  "I watched movie,"  "I sleep, take a nap,"  and something that sounded like she said "I eat cupcakes."  She also said several times, very clearly, "I like this!  I like this!"  She was in an exuberant and excited mood all evening, dancing around the room, playing outside, and talking, talking, talking non-stop.  Her self-confidence is so apparent.  There is no doubt in my mind that this move from the Chinese Art Academy was a long-overdue and necessary change.     

Today Molly and I fly back home to Arizona after our week in Montana.  Molly woke me up this morning, proclaiming first "I want Shayne (our Sheltie and her favorite pet)," followed by "I want Daddy HOME."  Daddy won't be home for another 2 weeks, but he calls every day.  I'm just happy that she has a sense of "home" and wants to be there. 

 

However, there are some issues with her preschool in Arizona, and I am procrastinating about dealing with this issue.  We have had her at the Chinese Art Academy, a fully-bilingual (Mandarin/English) preschool, which also offers dance, art and language classes.  My concerns are these:  

 

(1)  I think the teachers speak more Mandarin to her than English and her acquisition of English is suffering.  We were aware and accepting of the likelihood that her language development would be initially slowed due to being exposed to TWO new languages (she came from China, speaking a Cantonese dialect of Yangjiang city),

but I think her English is being slowed due to lack of much exposure during the full days of preschool.  This week in Montana has resulted in her using a LOT more English--even formulating full sentences and concepts, like "Why is it cold here?"  I am wondering if we are putting her at a disadvantage by not having her in a fully English preschool. 

 

(2)  Also, she is making NO progress in becoming toilet independent, no matter what I try.  We read the Dora potty book, the Caillou potty book, and her best friend (who is not yet 3) recently decided to start using the potty.  But Molly has no interest in doing so, and will literally cry and wail if placed on the potty for an "opportunity," then go in her pullups immediately afterward.  She takes her dolls to the potty, pretends that they go, and encourages them with "Good girl!"  but she has no desire to actually go on the potty herself.  I think she just wants to hang on to babydom and the attention of diapering, and I'm willing to give her the time she needs and just wait, since I know she knows what to do.   One of her preschool teachers at the Chinese Art Academy told me that she told her a few weeks ago, "If you keep dirtying yourself, your Mommy won't pick you up."  So I am also concerned that placing her with Chinese caregivers is increasing her insecurity about our permanence.

 

(3)  Just before Christmas, I had arrived at the school to pick her up, and another mother and her son were also in the reception area.  Molly tried to offer her little schoolmate a pretzel and the other mother (Chinese national) reacted so strongly that I felt that she didn't want my daughter to touch her son as if she were unclean.

And the dance instructor for the school expelled her from class because "she doesn't want to pay attention," when what I observed was that the dance teacher paid her no attention other than to move her to the back row, while offering encouragement and caresses to the other children.  These two incidents have reminded me that there are adults of Chinese nationality who are biased against a child who was abandoned and then adopted by non-Asians, and maybe I am placing her in an environment where she is not treated totally equal.   

 

Yet I know that the daycare teachers genuinely love her, as they give her much nurturing and affection, greeting her with enthusiasm when she arrives each morning.   I don't want to take that away from her, especially not while Daddy's gone.  Too much upheaval in her still-tenuous little world.   But I think we're going to move her

by April.